When Chronic Pain Meets Self-Doubt: Learning to Trust Your Own Experience
Living with chronic pain isn't just about managing the physical discomfort - it's also navigating a complex emotional landscape where self-doubt can become an unwelcome companion. Many people experiencing persistent pain find themselves caught in a puzzling situation: while they're intimately aware of their pain's severity, they simultaneously question whether they're "making too much of it."
Quick Tip: If you find yourself constantly doubting your pain experience, keep a simple diary. Note down your daily activities and pain levels without judgment - this creates a realistic record you can trust.
The Hidden Challenge of Self-Gaslighting
When we think about gaslighting - the act of making someone question their reality - we usually imagine it coming from others. However, for many people living with chronic pain, the most persistent source of doubt often comes from within. This "self-gaslighting" can manifest in thoughts like:
"Is the pain really that bad?"
"Shouldn't I be coping better than this?"
"Other people manage to push through - why can't I?"
"Maybe I'm just being dramatic"
These thoughts can be particularly intense in social situations, where watching others go about their daily lives without pain can trigger harsh self-comparison. Remember: Your experience of pain is valid, regardless of how well you think others might handle it.
The Social Masking Effect
One of the most challenging aspects of chronic pain is its invisible nature. Many people find themselves putting on a brave face in social situations, all while managing an internal battle. This might mean:
Secretly calculating whether to take medication during a social event
Carefully avoiding trigger foods at gatherings
Making mental notes of escape routes or rest spots
Maintaining conversation while managing pain flares
This constant juggling act can reinforce self-doubt, especially when we look around and see others seemingly managing life with ease.
Case Study: Sarah*, 42, describes attending her best friend's wedding: "I spent the whole reception smiling and chatting, but inside I was counting the minutes until I could lie down. Later, I berated myself for not being more present, until my therapist helped me realise I was actually showing incredible strength by managing both my pain and my desire to be there for my friend."
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Doubt
Learning to trust your own experience with chronic pain is a crucial part of the healing journey. Here's a framework for building self-trust:
Acknowledge Your Reality The first step is accepting that your pain is real and valid. Your experience doesn't need to match anyone else's to be legitimate.
Practice Self-Compassion Ask yourself: "Would I question a loved one's pain experience this way?" Often, we're much harder on ourselves than we would be on others.
Share Your Truth Confide in trusted friends or family about your internal struggle. This can help reduce the isolation and provide external validation when self-doubt creeps in.
Quick Tip: Create a "self-compassion script" - a few simple sentences you can repeat when self-doubt surfaces. For example: "My pain is real. I'm doing my best. I deserve care and rest."
Looking Forward: Building a New Relationship with Pain
While it's natural for self-doubt to arise, developing a more compassionate relationship with yourself and your pain experience is possible. This might mean:
Accepting that some days will be harder than others
Giving yourself permission to rest
Making space for guilt if it shows up
Acknowledging your strength in managing daily challenges
Recognising that pushing through isn't always the best option
Remember: Managing chronic pain is not just about handling the physical symptoms - it's also about nurturing a kind and understanding relationship with yourself.
Professional Support
Working with a pain-informed therapist can be invaluable in addressing the emotional aspects of chronic pain. They can help you:
Develop strategies for managing self-doubt
Build confidence in trusting your experience
Create healthy boundaries around your needs
Process the emotional impact of living with chronic pain.
Taking the Next Step
Living with chronic pain is challenging enough without adding self-doubt to the mix. If you're struggling with trusting your own experience or finding yourself constantly questioning the validity of your pain, you're not alone. I understand how isolating this experience can be, and I'm here to help.
I invite you to book a free 15-minute consultation with me. During our conversation, we can explore how therapy might help you develop a more compassionate relationship with your pain experience and build strategies for managing the emotional challenges that come with chronic pain.
Book your free consultation here
Living with chronic pain takes courage, resilience, and immense strength - even on the days when you doubt yourself the most. Your experience is real, valid, and worthy of compassion, especially from yourself. Let's talk about how we can work together to make this journey more manageable.
*Not a real person
