Feeling Through the Pain
Life can sometimes feel like you're carrying an unbearable weight – an emotional burden that weighs you down with every step. Whether you're dealing with a chronic health condition, the aftermath of trauma, or simply the ups and downs of daily living, the psychological toll can feel overwhelming.
But psychologist Steve Hayes suggests that the key to finding relief may lie in simply feeling your way through the pain. By turning our attention inward and befriending our bodily sensations, we can learn to hold even the most difficult emotions with a sense of gentle compassion.
Understanding the Mind-Body Connection
As physical creatures, we often forget that our minds and bodies are intricately connected. The thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that make up our psychological experience are deeply rooted in the workings of our biology. Yet in the field of evidence-based psychology, this mind-body link hasn't always been the focus.
Hayes explains that we are not just our cognitive processes, but beings who "learn by experience and we begin with sensation and perception." This means that by attuning to the physical sensations in our bodies, we can gain valuable insight into our emotional landscape.
For many struggling with ongoing health challenges, the tendency is to view bodily sensations as the enemy – something to be controlled or suppressed. But Hayes suggests that approaching these sensations with openness and curiosity can be a path towards greater self-understanding and acceptance.
Confronting Difficult Emotions
It's natural for the mind to want to categorise emotions into "good" and "bad", urging us to cling to the positive and push away the negative. But this binary thinking can actually intensify our suffering. When we fight against difficult feelings like grief, fear, or shame, we often end up amplifying their power over us.
Instead, Hayes encourages a shift from "suffering to experiencing what is." This requires us to turn towards our bodily sensations with an attitude of compassionate curiosity. "Allow yourself to experience that sensation," he says, "in the context of this little hug that you're giving yourself."
Lightening the Load
The somatic or body-focused approach to emotional healing may sound counterintuitive, but research suggests it can be remarkably powerful. By grounding difficult experiences in physical sensations, we can actually begin to "lighten the load" of our psychological burdens.
As Hayes points out, the average person is carrying the weight of over 3 tons of air pressure on their body at all times, yet it doesn't feel burdensome. "It feels like no weight at all," he says. "You're standing up and walking around."
By approaching our emotional experiences with this same sense of lightness and ease, we can begin to shift our relationship to even the most painful feelings. Rather than seeing them as something to be endured or eliminated, we can learn to carry them with us in a way that feels manageable.
Quick Tips for Feeling Through the Pain
Start with comfort. Before diving into difficult emotions, take a moment to connect with a physical sensation that feels easy and comfortable.
Tune in to sensations. Gently direct your attention to any physical experiences that arise as you remember or confront a challenging emotion.
Practise acceptance. Rather than trying to push the sensation away, see if you can hold it with a sense of compassionate curiosity. "Imagine carrying it the same way you carry the weight of the air around you," suggests Hayes.
Breathe deeply. Notice how your breathing changes as you engage with the physical experience. Slow, deep breaths can help regulate your nervous system.
Be patient and persistent. Learning to feel through emotions takes practice. "Stick with it," says Hayes, "and know that each time you face a challenge this way, you're strengthening your capacity for emotional resilience."
Embracing the Whole Self
Ultimately, the invitation to feel our way through pain is about more than just managing difficult emotions. It's about coming home to the full experience of being human – messy, vulnerable, and beautifully whole.
As Hayes explains, "sometimes when you're really being squeezed down, almost like a depressed rut in the road, out of being unable to feel what you feel, being able to start with sensory experiences and observe and describe those is a way forward."
By learning to befriend our bodily sensations, we open ourselves up to a deeper level of self-understanding and self-acceptance. We realize that we don't have to be afraid of our own emotions, nor do we have to wage war against them. Instead, we can hold them with compassion and allow them to teach us about the fullness of the human experience.
Remember:
Your body is not your enemy, but a faithful companion on your journey.
Emotions are not inherently good or bad – they are simply information to be received with kindness.
Feeling through pain doesn't mean you have to "fix" it. Sometimes the greatest act of courage is simply being present with what is.
Taking the Next Step
Living with an ongoing health condition can feel overwhelming, but you don't have to face it alone. Book a free consultation to discuss how therapy can help you navigate the emotional challenges while building resilience and hope. Together, we can find ways to make each day more manageable.
